Pain Comes in Twos...

Morning weight 272.5
-.1 lbs from yesterday
-5.7 lbs weight loss total

Exercise: 1 hour brisk walk with papa puppers

Breakfast
1 scoop Unjury powder
2 c light vanilla soy milk
Calories 220
Protein 32g


Lunch
Chicken Fried Rice
1/4 c baby peas
Calories 570
Protein 18g


Dinner
Spicy Baked Chicken Breast
Marinara Sauce
1/2 slice garlic bread
Calories 460
Protein 21g


Workout Reward
1 Dole Fruit Bar Ice Pop - Coconut (<---obsessed with Coconut!)
Calories 40
Protein 2g

Grand Total

Calories 1290

Protein 73g

I keep marveling at how much my stomach has shrunk since I adopted the Lap Band Lifestyle. It doesn't take much to get me full now. If the total portion size is more than a cup it takes me a half hour to forty-five minutes to eat my meal- and even then I'm sometimes uncomfortable. Even knowing that, and marveling out loud about it on a regular basis, I still did the unthinkable today. I guzzled a soda. Now, I don't normally drink soda. I actually don't like it very much. I don't like the sweetness of it and I really don't like the syrupy feeling left in my mouth whether I drink diet or regular. But I crave carbonation. I crave it like a duck craves a pond. It is my all. My everything. I have no idea why I have such an obsession with it, but I do. Normally my house is stocked to the rafters with seltzer water (plain, unflavored, please), but I was out. And I was definitely going to die unless I had something fizzy to drink, so I grabbed one of Mr Man's stevia sodas (they actually don't taste too bad and have 0 cals in them), and I chugged (how chubster of me) about half of one before it hit me- this overwhelming, absolute pain in my stomach. I had just done two things that I know I shouldn't do:

#1- I chugged something (i.e. I snarfed a soda)

#2- That something that I chugged was bigger than my normal portion size

Not only had I done both of those things, but this soda was extremely carbonated. And the carbonation, combined with the overfilling of my stomach at warp speed resulted in one- make that two- things. 

#1- I was in an excruciating amount of pain

#2- I got to experience something that I thought I never would when I chose to adopt the Lap band Lifestyle versus actually getting the band... I PB'd. Well, at least I think that's what I did...

I burped. The carbonation had to come out somehow- but the soda came out with it. Twice. It wasn't pretty. It wasn't glamorous. It wasn't fun. It hurt my stomach when it was in it, and it hurt my esophagus when it came back up. Between burps, I also had the opportunity to marvel at the human body's ability to produce gallons of saliva in mere seconds. Glamorous, huh? 

Once I was sure it was over, I very slowly sipped a small amount of tepid water and took papa puppers out for our daily walk. I felt slightly weak, though. Is that normal? Now I'm sitting here typing this blog entry and licking a popsicle. Slow. Small amounts. No chugging. No snarfing. I promise I've learned my lesson on this one. Never again!

For those of you with the Band- is that what PB'ing is? Or am I completely off track? Has this happened to anyone else without a Band?

Fake it til you make it!

~The Faux Bandit~

5 POUNDS!

Morning weight 272.6 lbs
-.8 lbs from yesterday
-5.6 lbs weight loss total

Exercise: 2 mile walk in nasty cold windy rainy weather. Bleck!

Breakfast
1 scoop Unjury
2 c Light Vanilla Soy Milk
Western Omelette Croissant
Calories 500
Protein 41g


Lunch
1 Slice Deli Turkey
1 Slice Deli Ham
1 Slice Deli Roast Beef (I majorly <3 this roast beef. It might be dangerous if I brought any home, though)
1 oz Pepperjack Cheese
1/4 c Tropical Fruit
1/4 c Gardetto's
Handful of carrots, celery, broccoli, and grape tomatoes
Calories 200
Protein 20g


Dinner
3 Oyster Chicken Wings (<--- orgasm in your mouth)
2 Pork & Shrimp Vietnamese Summer Rolls (My fave Vietnamese place again!)
1 c Pho Delight (can you tell I'm obsessed with this place?)
Calories 563
Protein 35g

Grand Total

Calories 1263

Protein 88g

I did it!!!!!!!!!!!! I hit the first 5 pounds lost! You have no idea how ramped I am to get my nails done. Although, I do think I'm going to wait to actually go in until next week since I have a wedding that weekend. Still, I'm super excited about it and that's going to help keep me motivated throughout the week to lose more. I'm excited for more rewards. (Can you tell that mentally I'm actually only 5 years old? lol)

This morning was spent in preparation for an all day torture session meeting. I know that the foods provided at said torture sessions meetings are generally not weight loss friendly. (In fact, I sometimes wonder if they are trying to fatten us up... hmmm... Anyhow, back to what I was talking about.) So, in preparation I made my Unjury shake to take to the meeting, grabbed three bottles of water, and ate an extremely delicious veggie western omelette sandwich for breakfast before leaving to head to my doom appointment. I brought the shake and the water along to sip on as the meeting progressed so I wouldn't be ravenous by the time they wheeled the food cart out with all of its bready, starchy, cheesey, buttery, mayo-y, whatever-y goodness. It helped me avoid munching on the candy sitting on my table the entire 8 1/2 hours! So, I'd say it worked! :)

By the time we broke for lunch, I wasn't really very hungry. It also turns out that is was a semi-ok meal for once. (I mean, the food is always SUPER delicious- but this was actually approaching navigable for people trying not to become even bigger chubsters). Turns out we had a build-your-own cold cut tray full of yummy meats and cheeses, veggies, fruits, and lots of water. I skipped over the bun and condiments, grabbed a slice of each of the meats that appealed to me (I'm sorry, but organic or not, bologna is still not high on my faves list), a couple slices of the pepperjack cheese, a handful of the veggies, a small scoop of the mixed fruit, and a half handful of the random Gardetto's (<---huge weakness of mine) that were on the table. And you know what? I ate it slowly, I enjoyed all of the yumminess on my plate, and at the end I was satisfied and didn't feel the least bit deprived. Go me! 

After the torture session meeting (can you tell I'm not a huge fan of them?), I had heard about and discussed enough about food and policies and laws and regulations and everything of that nature that I didn't want a pot nor a pan within 100 ft of me. So, called Mr Man and we met up at our favorite Vietnamese place after he got done with work. It's quickly becoming our favorite "diet" place as well. Pho is low cal, very filling, high protein, and just all around yummy! Not to mention the fact that they also have a lot of stir fry options if we aren't feeling in the mood for soup. Their stir fry options are almost endless and most of them don't have anything even close to resembling breaded, fried, or noodles or rice on the plate (all right, they do serve white rice on the side, but we always just ask them not to bring it out). Portions big enough to satisfy MM's appetite (not being able to really eat was his largest worry about watching calories) and plenty of to-go box/cup options for me! I big puffy paint <3 Vietnamese food!

Fake it til you make it!

~The Faux Bandit~

Fudge Pops

Morning weight 273.4
-.1 lbs from yesterday
-4.8 lbs weight loss total

Exercise: 30 minute walk with the puppers before Mr Man called to say he was almost home and wanted to go for a walk, too. So, we walked home, waited for him, then went out for another 45 minutes. We make an adorable family. Mom, Dad, and the puppers kids.

Breakfast
1 scoop Unjury Vanilla
2 c Light Vanilla Soy Milk
Calories 220
Protein 32g


Lunch
Organic Chicken Corn Dogs
Ketchup
Mustard
Calories 580
Protein 20g


Dinner
Bacon Mac N Cheese (made by yours truly with our very own bacon- yum!)
1 oz Mozzarella Fresca
Calories 531
Protein 27g


A Sweet Snack
Fudgesicle (I <3 these things!)
Calories 40
Protein 2g

Grand Total

Calories 1371

Protein 81g

Nothing too exciting in the world of the faux band today other than I have my gym membership now (well, I will have it once I get my access card in the mail). Oh- and the babies have their eyes open now! Papa is one proud puppers! The liver and whites are starting to look more and more like him every day. :)

I'm also proud to report that MM is getting more and more into this weight loss dealio. He's starting to really go hard core on it. It's awesome to have that kind of support! In honor of our walk we're each having a fudgesicle. And you know what? Neither one of us feels the least bit guilty about it- and we don't have any reason to be!

Fake it til you make it!

~The Faux Bandit~

I D-I-D It!!!!

I finally did something I've been meaning to do for a very long time. A V...E...R...Y long time. It's something I've wanted to desperately do, because I'm weirder than a 3-legged duck and I actually enjoy it. Finances were a little in the way, but the truth of the matter is I have been putting it off because that means I would have to sit down with someone and have a meeting and sign paperwork and see people and talk and be social. I don't want to do that after work hours. Unless it involves a bonfire and/or beer. But I am the queen of all social avoidance when I want to be, and I found a way around it all. I rock!

So, I suppose ya'll are wondering what I did? I joined a gym. Not just any gym. A 24 hours a day/7 days a week/365 days a year gym. One that being a member of grants me access to not only that gym, but any other gym of the same name. There are almost 2000 locations across the nation. There is one a mile away from my work if I were to turn that way. There is another one on my way home from work. And there is yet another in the small town close to where we live. I also happen to know that there are 10 between our home and my dad's place as well as one in the town close to where he lives and one in the town that I used to work in when I lived up there. No... more... excuses...! No matter where I am, I can work out. In a gym. Which I actually immensely enjoy. Maybe it's because we don't have a tv at home and that's the only place I can watch it? Maybe it's because I get more mentally "into" it because you're surrounded by fitness equipment and people doing the same thing as you? Maybe because any exercise I do outside feels like work on the farm and a treadmill is actually a nice break for me? I don't know. But I do know that I <3 gyms and I'm super excited to belong to one again. I honestly haven't had a gym membership since very early on in my chubster years.

The biggest obstacle to me actually joining this gym was that they won't just let you go online and buy a membership and show up. You have to go there and meet with them and get a tour and sign some papers... blah blah blah... I don't want to do that! I just want to work out! I even called and asked if I could just give them my credit card over the phone. They said no. But I'm persistent and I found a way around it. The local radio station does an on-air auction every few weeks and there are some items you can view online and purchase outright at a huge discount. Just so happens I was curious and took a look. Lo and behold- there was THE GYM! A one-year membership for half the price. Wa-hoo! My credit card came out quicker than you can say "Cash or credit?" and it was MINE! It was meant to be, too. Cuz I got the last one! Now I just have to wait for them to mail me my membership package and I'll be hitting the gym every day after work. :)

Fake it til you make it!
~The Faux Bandit~

Back to Reality

Morning weight 273.5
-.1 lbs from yesterday
-4.7 lbs weight loss total

Exercise: I failed. None this day.

Breakfast
1 scoop Unjury Vanilla
1 c Light Vanilla Soy Milk
Western Omelette Croissant
Calories 500
Protein 41g


Lunch
Chicken Strips
1 Tbsp Honey Mustard
Calories 420
Protein 27g


Dinner
Giant BBQ Pulled Pork Sandwich (made with our very own pork! yum!)
Calories 470
Protein 32g

Grand Total

Calories 1390

Protein 100g (holy cow! I'm getting good at this protein thing!)

After all of the fun this past weekend, it was kind of a let down to go back to the ho-hum of reality today. It was an even bigger pain in my side to go to work knowing that almost everyone else had the day off. As I was headed out the door for work MM was still snoring away. Poo! (Yes, I'm having a mini pity party for myself... ok, I'm better now) That being said, it was probably the best thing for me. It meant I couldn't sit around and be lazy all day and snarf my face on picnic leftovers (which I'm supremely grateful are still mercifully in my mother-in-law's possession).

Nothing too incredibly exciting happened today. I went to work. It was insanely slow because everyone was out enjoying the beautiful weather and hanging out with people and having a good time (ok... maybe I'm not quite over my pity party yet... lol). Then I came home and took a short nap (I only got 4 hours of sleep last night) before wandering up to the machine shed where Mr Man and about half my in-laws were hanging out with some friends working on the two new pulling tractors (yes- we are so supremely redneck it's not even funny). Somehow, someway, MM convinced me that today was the day I was going to learn how to drive a tractor. I know I'm a farmer's wife. I know that I'm expected to know how to do that, but I had made myself expressly clear before we were married that machinery was not my thing. I'll help with anything else- I'll slop pigs, I'll muck out barns, throw bales, feed cattle- anything that does not involve equipment. It intimidates me. I'm scared of it. I don't have any desire to learn how. Yet, somehow he got me to agree to it (and I swear there was no alcohol involved!). Not only did he convince me that I needed to learn, but somehow I wound up learning on his pulling tractor (i.e. not your average field tractor. Difficulty quotient is much higher- as is the likelihood I will injure either myself or others while operating said machinery).

Miracle of all miracles I managed to not kill anyone (including myself) and I didn't break anything. Granted, I only drove it around for like 10 minutes and the only gears I engaged were 1st, reverse, and neutral, but still! The only problem now is that since MM has accomplished getting me up on one and driving it, now he wants me to learn how to pull one. I sense many intense arguments in our future revolving around a tractor... *sigh*

Fake it til you make it!
~The Faux Bandit~

Fun in the Sun

Morning weight 273.6
-.6 lbs from yesterday
-4.6 lbs weight loss total

Exercise: Swimming with the in-laws and my niece and nephew :) (I big puffy paint <3 those kids!) and darts with my league team

Breakfast
1 Scoop Unjury Vanilla
2 c Light Vanilla Soy Milk
Calories 220
Protein 32g


Lunch
1 c mixed tropical fruit salad (mangos, blueberries, kiwis, pineapple & grapes)
Homemade Caprese Salad
Hamburger w/half a bun
Calories 497
Protein 22g


Dinner
1 c Light Potato & Egg Salad
Hot Dog w/Bun
1/2 c grapes
1 tiny slice pound cake
Calories 625
Protein 23g

Grand Total

Calories 1342

Protein 77g

Today was absolutely amazing! Ya'll have no idea how much I #1- love my niece and nephews and #2- love swimming. It's always a blast hanging out with my in-laws and when you throw bochee ball, swimming, chatting, a state park, and picnics into the mix... well, let's just say this girl is in complete heaven!

I knew there was going to be a crapload lot of food today, so I made sure to have my Unjury for breakfast. I stayed majorly full until it was time to eat at the park. I also knew we were going to stay there for most of the day, so I made two "meals" out of it. I ate half of what I wanted for the first meal, went swimming, and 3 hours later I dug my second "meal" out of the cooler and relaxed and dried off. It was perfect! 

I do have to give a huge shout out to my in-laws and Mr Man, though. Without them, I would have probably been majorly struggling today. First of all, there is MM's contribution: he helped to remind me that I needed to make food he and I could eat to bring with for our dish(es) to share. Normally I do bacon wrapped. cream cheese stuffed jalapenos and then a cashew chicken salad. NOT calorie counting choices- believe you me! So, instead, I modified my fruit "salsa" recipe by not dicing the fruit so small so it was more of a fruit salad (minus the fluff and stuff) and brought pound cake sliced uber thin and fat free whipped cream to make a healthy version of a fruit shortcake (everyone LOVED it!). I also made a caprese salad, but instead of loading it up with olive oil like you traditionally do, I marinated the mozzarella with a tiny bit of extra virgin, fresh basil oregano and garlic for 48 hours in advance, then drained the oil and tossed them in with the grape tomatoes, some roasted garlic, salt, and pepper. (I actually think I liked it better than traditional!) I also brought a big bag of grapes with so MM and I could snack on those instead of the chips and crackers that I knew would abound.

Second shout out has to go to the in-laws. We had two different tables set up for everyone to sit at (there were a lot of us) and they always set the snacky foods (read: chips) on the center of the tables for everyone to munch on. Well, they had MM and I with the kids at one table and they put the grapes and good munchies on ours and kept the chips over on the other table. Temptation removed! And an added bonus is that I got to munch on mangos with the little ones (they'd never had it before) and they LOVED it! In fact, later on one of my brother-in-laws offered my niece some chips and she refused- she wanted some more of "that good orange fruit Auntie K brought"! Who would have ever thought this chubster would be teaching kids healthy eating habits?!?! HUGE OSV (off-scale victory!)

Fake it til you make it!

~The Faux Bandit~

Lazy Saturday

Current weight: 274.2
-.7 lbs from yesterday
-4.0 lbs weight loss total (only 1 lb more to go until my mani/pedi reward!)

Exercise: Saturday morning rendezvous (TMI, I know- but it counts!) and darts with my league team

Breakfast
1/4 container Sabra Greek Olive Hummus (I fluffy <3 this hummus!)
14 Multigrain Pita Chips
Calories 385
Protein 10g


Lunch
Mushroom, Leek, Egg, and Parmesan Omelette
Calories 185
Protein 12g


Mid-Afternoon Hunger Attack
1 scoop Unjury Vanilla
1 c Light Vanilla Soy Milk
Calories 160
Protein 26g


Dinner
Pho Dac Biet
Oyster Wings
Vietnamese Summer Rolls
Calories 686
Protein 54g

Grand Total

Calories 1416

Protein 102g (oh my!)

Mr Man and I slept in this morning. I was planning to go for a walk before the rain was scheduled to hit, but it seems the storm moved in early because I woke up to it pouring. So, MM and I improvised. (And now I've scared away the few followers I have... lol!) I just wanted ya'll to know that neither he or I completely ditched out on exercise. ;)

Because we slept in so late, neither one of us was all that hungry when we crawled out of bed, so we just shared a dish of hummus and some pita chips before MM took off to the shed to work on a tractor (normally I'd follow that sexy sight and sit on a tire and watch the eye candy- but again, it was raining, and cold, so I declined) and I stayed home to get caught up on some work (namely the article I'm supposed to have turned in by this morning for the magazine... oops!). A little while later I decided to finish using up the organic cremini mushrooms I had been gifted and made myself a little mini one egg "omelette". It was D-E-LISH! There is something about mushrooms and Parmesan cheese I can't resist. 

I finished my article and emailed it to my editor it seems just as she was emailing me to chew my rear end, because no sooner than I had pressed "send" then a new email popped into my inbox from her irate and wondering where in the world that article was. Oops!

After that I decided that there was no better thing for supper than some orgasmically extremely good food at the Vietnamese place in town. It's SO good! Pho, oyster wingss, and summer rolls... Oh! The summer rolls... They are TO DIE FOR! Authentic, real, fresh, yummy... The crisp lettuce, fresh herbs, chewy rice paper, yummy rice noodles, shrimp, pork... *sigh* The only- and I mean ONLY- downfall to those is that they are served with satan's secret weapon a peanut dipping sauce. I could drink bowls of that stuff. So not what my waistline needs right now, so I opted instead for fish sauce- which I also find extremely yummy. You know what? I didn't miss it! When I placed my order I just requested the fish sauce instead of the peanut sauce, and ta-da! Out of sight, out of mind! I know if the peanut sauce were to have been on my table I would have used it- but since it wasn't, the fish sauce did an amazing job subbing in and I didn't feel one teeny tiny yellow polka dot bikini's bit of regret or deprived. I actually think I like the summer rolls better with the fish sauce. I'm just obsessed with peanut butter (aka the reason why the dreamy stuff isn't in my house) so I tend to over do it. 

That being said, both MM and I are actually quite pleasantly surprised at how creative our minds have gotten at this calorie game we're now playing together. Because he and I are doing it together now, it makes it a quadrillion times much easier to go out to eat and even cook dinner at home- because we're on the same wavelength! Since we're both trying to avoid the same things I'm not cooking two different meals or feeling deprived because I can't have what's on his plate and in front of me, in my house. Now, we're eating the same things, just two different portion sizes (let's be real #1- he's a guy and they get to eat more because the calorie/metabolism gods have deemed it thus, and #2- He's not trying to be as restrictive as I am with the calories because he doesn't care about losing the weight as much/as quickly and he's not following a banded lifestyle, just less junk food basically). Now, when we go out to eat, if we see something on the menu that we're both craving (usually an appetizer or dessert) we ask for a small portion of it (i.e. the oyster wings we had for supper normally come in a 8 wing serving. We asked for a half order and the restaurant was more than accommodating) and split it. That means he and I only had 2 wings a piece instead of the usual 4. Half the calories, all of the satisfaction of eating the "forbidden" food and being able to finish what was on our plates (at least for the appetizer). Then, by the time our main courses come out our minds and bodies are already staring to signal each other that there is food in our stomachs. We get full so much quicker now! We always bring leftovers home. We never brought leftovers home before. In fact, we were the people that would make 4-5 trips up to the buffet line when we went out for Chinese! Now I usually eat about a cup of food before my body signals I'm satisfied. He gets to about 2 cups. That's a far cry from 5 (mounded) plates!

So excited to have him on this journey with me! And super excited to get my nails done! Hurray! It's almost time! :)

Fake it til you make it!

~The Faux Bandit~